weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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