I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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