Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
