I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
They took my balls.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That was before I lit my hair on fire
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
