How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
