your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
