she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
