well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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