if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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