so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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