apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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