Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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