He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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