Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's blow job season.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
