Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
