I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
