Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
