So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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