walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
