i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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