you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
