Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
