I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
