my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
