I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
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Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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