my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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