You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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