never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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