I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there was a trapeze. enough said
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
