Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
