The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize