After last night, I could never be a politician.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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