Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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