Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
