I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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