i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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