I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
