fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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