i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
