Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
