Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
