Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
