Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
