just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
