Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
