my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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