I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
