he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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