White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
