you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
