yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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