I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
