Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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