Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
