I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
