I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.