we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
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Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
not ubering you a puppy
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.