i already hear my dad disowning me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He better not be in your backpack
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?