he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.