If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!