I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped