Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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