I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize