Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
