bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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