Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.