His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
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i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.