i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway