Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
