Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.