We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good