did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
