Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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