Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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