im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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