Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
